分享：学会宽恕

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Nine Steps to Forgiveness（宽恕的九个步骤）
——Frederic Luskin, Ph.D.

1. Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what was not OK about the situation.Then, tell a couple of trusted people about your experience.

对于发生的事情，你非常明白自己的感受，而且能够清楚地表达事情到底哪儿不对，然后向你信任的人倾诉你的经历。

2. Make a commitment to yourself to do what you have to do to feel better.Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else.No one else even has to know about your decision.

对自己做个承诺，去做让自己感觉更好的事情。宽恕是为了自己，而非他人。别人甚至无须了解你的决定。

3. Understand your goal.Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that upset you, or condoning their action. What you want is to find peace.Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from 1) blaming the offender less, 2) taking the life experience less personally, and 3) changing your grievance story.”

了解你的目的。宽恕并不一定意味着要和让你不开心的人和好，或者纵容他们的行为。你需要的是寻求平安。我们可以把宽恕定义为“平安和理解”，这种平安和理解来自于：1）少去责备让你不开心的人; 2) 把发生的事情不要归咎于自己；3）改变看待悲催故事的角度。

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4. Get the right perspective on what is happening.Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you in the past--two minutes or ten years ago.


从正确的角度看待正在发生的事。认识到你主要的痛苦来自于你此时此刻受伤的感觉 、想法和身体不适，而不是那些过去－－不管是两分钟前还是十年前－－曾经激怒或伤害过你的事情。


5. At the moment you feel upset,practice a calming technique to soothe your body's fight or flight response.

感觉沮丧的时候，用一种方法让自己安静下来，缓和身体（因沮丧而产生的）“战斗或逃跑”的应急反应。

6. Give up expecting things from other people, or your life, that they do not choose to give you. Recognize the “unenforceable rules” you have for how you or other people must behave. Remind yourself that you can hope for health, love, friendship and prosperity, and work hard to get them. However, you will suffer when you demand these things occur when you do not have the power to make them happen.


停止期待从别人或者生活中得到他们选择不给你的东西。认清那些你心中认为自己和他人必须遵守的“无法遵守的规则”。提醒自己可以期待并通过努力得到健康、爱、友情和财富。但是当你没有能力去实现它们而你又强求得到这一切，你就会非常遭罪。

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7. Put your energy into looking for another way to get your positive goals met -- finding your positive intention.Instead of mentally replaying your hurt, seek out new ways to get what you want.


花精力去寻找另一种方法来实现自己积极的目标－－找到自己积极的意愿。不要在脑袋里不断地回忆伤痛，而是寻求达到目标的新方法。


8. Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focu sing on your wounded feelings, and giving the person who hurt you, power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness within you and around you.

记住精彩的活着才是最好的报复。不要把注意力放在你受伤的感觉上, 从而让伤害你的人控制了你的生活。学着从自己身上和身边去寻找爱、美丽和善良。


9. Change your grievance story to remind yourself that you have survived this hardship and have made the heroic choice to forgive. Look for ways to use this experience to make yourself wiser, stronger, more resilient, etc.



改变看待悲摧故事的角度，提醒自己其实已经从困境中走了出来，而且作出了一个伟大的决定：宽恕。寻找方法通过这个经历让自己变得更有智慧，更强大，适应能力更强。

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xiaobuwuqu123

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