[转帖]如果王朔遇上韩乔生

黄大胆

<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">如果王朔遇上韩乔生</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　带三个表</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman"> @ 2007</font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">年</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">03</font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">月</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">16</font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">日</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">23:15<br/></font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　　</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生老师在某一年解说中创造了“迅雷不及掩耳盗铃之势”，将中国汉语的结构作了一次不小的颠覆，之后大仙和张弛又将这一语言特色发扬光大，让汉语向一个真正不靠谱的方向上发展，每句话都让你感觉停在一个十字路口上不知所措手不及。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　最近，王朔在接受采访时说，北京人有个习惯，说话喜欢简略，一个成语，四个字，非吃掉一个字。比如，你今天的气色真好，看上去容光焕，我就不说那个“发”，憋死你。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">1995</font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">年左右，我周围的一帮朋友开始玩这种文字游戏，刚好跟韩老师的</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">“</font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">后缀</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><font face="Times New Roman">”</font></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">相得益。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　要是王朔撞上了韩乔生，会是什么样子呢？</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：您最近真是来者不善罢甘休，一路刀砍斧劈头盖脸，像赵子龙七进七出污泥而不染。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：这算什么呀，哥们不过是小试牛，我要是拿出真本事，他们还不全军覆。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：有人说你疯了，还说你病得不轻于鸿毛。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：我装疯卖就可以把他们丫的搞定，到底是谁病入膏了？</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：可是大家对您颇有微词不达意。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：我是流氓我怕谁，我不学无，我醉生梦，我无可救，我胡言乱。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：可是有人说你炒作，说你绑架媒体无完肤。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：我就炒作了，我就是让他们看看什么叫货真价的炒作，我明修栈，暗渡陈，声东击，得陇望，兵不厌，瞒天过，你瞧瞧他们丫的炒作，故弄玄，低三下，黔驴技，卑鄙无……</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：那您真是炒作专家长里短。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：我这刚略施小，他们就一塌糊了。所以他们嫉贤妒，对我恶语相。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：木秀于林志玲，风必催芝华士，众口铄金喜善，积毁销骨肉皮，枪打出头鸟儿问答，出头的椽子先烂醉如泥。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：他们就是想看我丑态百，那我就顺水推，你看他们开始如坐针，忍无可，自卫还了吧。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：这叫置之死地而后快乐大本营。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：我就讨厌这帮人动不动就同仇敌，千军万我都见过了，还怕他们这帮乌合之。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　韩乔生：那是，您所向披靡靡之音。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="COLOR: black;"><br/></span><span style="COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-hansi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">　　王朔：其实我慈眉善，心地善，助人为，行侠仗，八荣八，我都占全了。</span></p>

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