噎死人的家庭对白(ZT)

云下百合 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:31

<tt>噎死人的家庭对白</tt> <tt>1、不值钱不抵押 </tt> <tt>晚饭后，夫妻二人在客厅看着电视新闻，当太太看到社会新闻后，她觉得颇不以为然地向她丈夫说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你看，这个男人真的好可恶哦！自己去睹钱，输得倾家荡产，竟把自己的老婆和女儿卖掉！真是太可恶了，老公，你该不会对我这么做吧！</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫直截了当地回答：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>那当然不会啦！不值钱的东西，怎么能抵押呢？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 气得妻子直晕...... </tt>

云下百合 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:32

<span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">2、不是保安 <span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"> <tt>晚餐时，丈夫吃了一口菜，不高兴地说：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>呸，这菜是怎么做的，真是难吃极了！</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">
</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>那换你煮煮看！</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt>妻子立刻反驳道：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>你要知道你娶的不是一个大厨师。</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"> 半夜就寝时，妻子听到房外在奇怪的声音，就摇醒丈夫说：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>快起来出去看看，好象有小偷闯进来了！</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">
</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>你自己出去看看吧！</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt>丈夫回敬道：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>你要知道你嫁的不是保安人员。</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"> 妻子再晕...... </tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">

云下百合 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:32

<tt>3、你知道人家的感受吗？ </tt><tt>妻子在镜子前发现自己满脸皱纹，老了许多，情不自禁地抽噎起来。丈夫在一旁不解地问：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>你伤心什么啊？</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt>太太激动得哭了，说：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>我看到镜子中的自己，已经快变成丑老太婆了，所以</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">……”</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"> 他说：</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">“</tt><tt>所以要哭是吗？你现在知道你是丑老太婆了，你偶尔看一下自己，就激动得哭成这样，那我每天吃饭也看你，睡觉也看你，你可知道人家的感受吗？</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-fareast-font-family: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">”</tt><tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;"> 妻子不晕不行...... </tt><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; COLOR: #000d40; FONT-FAMILY: 仿宋_GB2312; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA;">

云下百合 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:32

<tt>4、厕所有鬼 </tt> <tt>喝醉酒的丈夫回到家后，叫醒熟睡中的妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>老婆，我们家闹鬼唷！</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你</tt><tt>……</tt><tt>你说什么？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>我刚要上厕所，门才一开，里面的灯就自动亮了</tt><tt>……”</tt><tt> 妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>是真的吗？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫点点头说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>千真万确。</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 他妻子想了想，说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你是不是还感觉有一股阴风吹出来？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫连忙说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>对了，对了，你怎么知道？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 这时，妻子狠狠地打了他一巴掌说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>死鬼，你这是第三次喝醉了，尿在咱家冰箱里！</tt><tt>”</tt>

一往情深 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:46

[em01][em01][em01][em01][em01]

云顶小白兔 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:47

哈哈，好笑啊！有没有百合和老农的原创经典对白啊？肯定更搞笑！[em02][em02][em02]

hahaxixi · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:55

<div class="msgheader">QUOTE:</div><div class="msgborder">以下是引用云下百合在2006-5-27 12:32:53的发言： <tt>4、厕所有鬼 </tt> <tt>喝醉酒的丈夫回到家后，叫醒熟睡中的妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>老婆，我们家闹鬼唷！</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你</tt><tt>……</tt><tt>你说什么？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>我刚要上厕所，门才一开，里面的灯就自动亮了</tt><tt>……”</tt><tt> 妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>是真的吗？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫点点头说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>千真万确。</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 他妻子想了想，说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你是不是还感觉有一股阴风吹出来？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫连忙说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>对了，对了，你怎么知道？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 这时，妻子狠狠地打了他一巴掌说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>死鬼，你这是第三次喝醉了，尿在咱家冰箱里！</tt><tt>”</tt>
</div>偶同事就干过这事，只是他到第二天才发觉[em01][em01][em01]

农闲 · 发表于 2006-5-27 12:58

哈兄也有过一次吗？不过你配备了尿不湿肯定万无一湿

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-5-27 12:59:31编辑过]

咖啡蛋糕 · 发表于 2006-5-27 13:30

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈，有意思

一往情深 · 发表于 2006-5-27 13:36

<div class="msgheader">QUOTE:</div><div class="msgborder">以下是引用农闲在2006-5-27 12:58:00的发言： 哈兄也有过一次吗？不过你配备了尿不湿肯定万无一湿 </div>     哈哈~~[em01][em01]哈老师喝个1杯也许不会，7瓶8瓶就难说了[em10][em10][em10][em10][em10]

映月 · 发表于 2006-5-27 14:07

[em01][em01][em01]

蓝月儿 · 发表于 2006-5-27 23:44

挺搞笑滴![em01][em01]

zjsyjzy · 发表于 2006-5-28 12:35

笑！！！[em01][em01][em01][em01][em01]我一个朋友喝醉了，在酒店门口骑上自行车，没几步远就摔下来了，结果他就在马路边上坐下来了，说：家里到了。死活不肯再走了，说我们在骗他，把他当成就喝醉了的人。

云下百合 · 发表于 2006-5-28 15:47

[em01][em01][em01][em01][em01]

英雄无悔 · 发表于 2006-5-28 16:00

估计是装的[em01][em01]

FJJF · 发表于 2006-5-28 19:16

<div class="msgheader">QUOTE:</div><div class="msgborder">以下是引用云下百合在2006-5-27 12:32:53的发言： <tt>4、厕所有鬼 </tt> <tt>喝醉酒的丈夫回到家后，叫醒熟睡中的妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>老婆，我们家闹鬼唷！</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你</tt><tt>……</tt><tt>你说什么？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>我刚要上厕所，门才一开，里面的灯就自动亮了</tt><tt>……”</tt><tt> 妻子说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>是真的吗？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫点点头说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>千真万确。</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 他妻子想了想，说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>你是不是还感觉有一股阴风吹出来？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 丈夫连忙说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>对了，对了，你怎么知道？</tt><tt>”</tt><tt> 这时，妻子狠狠地打了他一巴掌说：</tt><tt>“</tt><tt>死鬼，你这是第三次喝醉了，尿在咱家冰箱里！</tt><tt>”</tt>
</div>弱弱地问一声百合：老农有这样前科吗？[em01][em01][em01]

ydswj · 发表于 2006-5-28 21:29

[em06][em06][em06][em06][em06][em06][em32]

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